Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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