I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
