On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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