She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
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Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
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Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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