When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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