Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
