I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
my liver is dry heaving
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