Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
