I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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