Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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