My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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