As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
