I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
