I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
