do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I am naked and annoyed.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
