Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
