Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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