awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
ok first of all what the fuck
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
