I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
