Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Randomize
