If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
splinters make it hard to masturbate
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
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