I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
