think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
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I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
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this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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