wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
