You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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