Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
