got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize