Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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