If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
