You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Randomize
