Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
this just has baby written all over it
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Randomize
