areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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