just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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