textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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