i permit you to call me
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
