At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
