Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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