Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize