dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize