i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.