You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday