i just wanna soil my oats bro
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
