At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
