just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Your penis caused this!
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