she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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