You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
