what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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