I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
