I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I was not drunk enough for that final.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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