Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
