woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
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Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
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Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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