from now on my penis is your penis
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
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