If that was your dad, he is hot
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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