Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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