Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Randomize
