why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
