tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
