I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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