I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Congratulations! We have a period
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