i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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