she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Randomize
