Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Michael Bay diarrhea
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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