U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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