Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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