Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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