I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
im holly from the hills drunk
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
