her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
