Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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