dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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