i permit you to call me
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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