i already hear my dad disowning me
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
